Why am I surprised? Or even annoyed? Or want to STAB MY EYES OUT?

Mattel is rolling out a superhero version of Barbie, complete with animated series to drive demand. Can you guess what it’s called? “Princess Power.” The irony is giving me a cramp.

Photographer Jeff O'Brien Stylist Jennifer Shaw    pMAT1-20653474enh-z6


And apparently her superhero identity is “Super Sparkle.” So it’s safe to assume, from the looks of it, that her mom both came up with the name AND quilted her cape for her.

I know that my distaste for Barbie probably goes further than is reasonable. I’ll grant that. But I absolutely positively hate Barbie Princess Power Super Sparkle. I just… can’t. I keep waiting for the producers of “Saturday Night Live” to come out and reveal the whole thing’s a satire.

To make her cool, Mattel has given Super Sparkle pink streaks in her hair and, oh!, friends with blue and purple hair… who look like they’re trying out for the local production of “Grease.”



I think I just broke a tooth, clenching my jaw.

But I take solace in the impression I get from the “sneak peek” video that, much like Computer Engineer Barbie, she completely sucks at her job.

That’s right. Barbie Princess Power Super Sparkle is a klutzy superhero. Isn’t that cute???? I just broke the blood vessels in my nostrils.

Now, where’s my fork?

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